9 MONTHS POST OP

How time flies. 
So, Foot is OK, but, there is a problem which I still havent gotten to the bottom of. 

As I stated in my last update, the MRI showed a bit of a problem with the area around the cotton osteotomy - ie, side of the foot where he put a bone graft in to create more of an arch. 

Having seen him, I now understand more of what the report meant. Bottom line, there is incomplete healing in the bone. 

Now, what he said was - the MRI can be a bit too sensitive, so, he referred me to have a C.A.T. scan. Ive had that done, and now wait to see him again - on the 22nd of this month. He did say that if the C.A.T. scan confirmed what the MRI was showing - ie, that the bone hadnt healed, then basically it wouldnt heal and I would have to have more surgery to correct it. As much as I dont want more surgery, to be totally honest, if that is what is needed to get rid of this awful pain, then so be it. I can only describe the pain as a sudden stabbing pain, that literally takes my breath away. Thankfully, it doesnt last all the time, but if I have been doing a lot, I end up with a lot of pain. So, I would really like to get to the bottom of it. I notice now that my right foot is great. Gets a bit achey, but thats ok. Its expected. I havent been able to strengthen it up because of the other foot. 

I have to say, I cannot wait until I can walk comfortably again for enjoyment. Im so sick of knowing that any amount of walking is going to cause the pain. 

I will report back on how the appointment goes. Will be interested to see. 

5 MONTH POST OP REPORT!

Thought it was about time that I updated. Anyone who has had this surgery done will know that its a lot of "no news" at this stage, hence the lack of posting. 

I had the MRI done to check out what was causing the pain that I was experiencing. Although I still havent had an appointment with the consultant about the results, when I attended the physiotherapist last week, she was able to give me a bit if info. 

First of all I will do as I did before!! A few bulletpoints! 

• Im going to talk in terms of months now rather than weeks - so we are at 5 months post op. 
• Ive had 3 physio appointments so far since the last post. Im not sure if she or I can see much improvement but I will be totally honest. Im fairly shite at doing my physio. Yes, Im ashamed to say that. You'd think being in pain would make me more focused on doing it, but heres the thing - it freaking hurts. She has urged me strongly to do more pool work - ie non weight bearing - which makes sense as I AM overweight - (something which she pointed out to me at our last session - no shit sherlock). I know for a fact that my weight doesnt help my feet - but I am making a good effort to lose the weight, and have told her this. I seem to get a lot of pain in my big toe when doing tippy toe exercises... and just the whole foot and leg feels so weak. 
• The nervy feeling has really abated thank goodness. I now sleep sockless, and it really doesnt bother me. Its not totally free of the nervy sensation but it really is more than bearable. 
• The foot still looks like it has "fallen" in. What was I expecting? Beautiful arched feet? Well, quite frankly yes.... I still look like I have flat feet, which makes me feel sad, but on the other hand, going by my right foot (Feb 2015 so nearly 2 years on), although I havent got beautiful feet, it will give me back a quality of mostly pain free life that I havent had for at least 5 years. 
• The physio told me that the MRI results show a lot of swelling in the marrow of the bone that had the surgery done, and went on to tell me that in all fairness, Im not even half way through healing yet. It may all look fine and dandy on the outside, but there is still a lot of healing going on in the inside. She gave out to me for doing too much, but lordy, its difficult not to. Too much is doing a supermarket shop and tidying around my small house - then Ive over done it... thats what doing too much is. It is so very frustrating. At this stage, expectations from everyone, including myself are high - too high. 

Here are a few pictures to show what I mean. 

front view

See! Not a pretty foot!!! 

Tendon transfer site - Really great healing though - you can barely see the scar! 

So you can see - the tendon from the big toe joint looks a bit odd. 

Calcaneal Osteotomy site scar. 

As you can see - they still look pronated, but the left one looks worse. 

• Am I happy so far?? Yes, definitely. I am very lucky that I have the time and space into healing. I really dont know what I would have done if I had had to go back to work. 

If you have ANY questions please do not hesitate to contact me. Leave a message and I will try and answer as best as possible. 

WEEK 14/15 of PTTD recovery!!!

Hi there. So, its about 4 weeks since I posted. Apologies but thanks to a little reminder on Insta!! 

So, having just passed week 14, how am I doing? 

• I went back to see my consultant at week 12. Unfortunately he was actually off for 2 weeks, and because I had/have been having problems with the tendon area, so the surgeon from the surgical team decided to ask me to come back in 2 weeks to see the main man. 
• This I did on the Wed just passed, and to cut a long story short, the "hardware", ie, the pins etc are all looking fine on the x-ray, but there is concern with the pain I am having in my tendon area, so he has referred me for an MRI. That hopefully will be in the next few weeks. I was a little bit confused tbh, as they sent me down to physio before I went, and they have advised that I start to go without the boot - wean myself off it she said. Now, they have also said to go easy until they know what is going on with the tendon. Hand on heart, the pain is the same burning searing pain that I was having pre surgery. The thing is, I can actually compare, as having had the other foot done, I know that I didnt have the same pain. In fact, I never had any awful pain in the tendon. Only a bit after doing physio. This pain is one that has actually got me back taking codeine - which as I said before, I am very wary of. But Im being careful about how much Im taking. Bit depressing to be honest, but you know, what will be will be and absolutely nothing I can do at the moment, apart from following what Ive been told. 
• The foot looks great. But OMG, the nervy sensations around the cotton osteotomy is horrible. I know it will die down, but I am still wearing a soft sock all the time - day and night. Cant bear the feel of anything touching it. 
• The part on the bottom of my heel where the pins are gets a bit tingly, but in a different way - like the nerves are attaching. I can deal with that. 
• I know all this sounds a bit depressing and to be honest, Im in that horrible zone where all the surgical stuff is healed, but now, its about building up the strength in the foot. Because of the tendon pain, its dragging a bit. I feel the foot has fallen in a bit. Makes me feel a bit sad tbh. Its like, what next. Am I going to be in pain forever. Oh I just dont know. I remember, and after reading back over the last blog, I know that it was a tough time then. That gives me a bit of relief. 
• I am driving again - the past 3 weeks? Oh the sense of freedom. Its blooming fantastic. Being able to just go out the door and nip to the shop. Priceless. (have an automatic car so no need to use the left foot!!). 
• Im really set on working on my weight now. I know full well that its going to help take some pressure off my feet. I cant wait to be able to get back swimming. Just looking forward to being weightless in the pool!!! 

So, there are some bulletpoints of what is going on at this stage. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. Especially if you think there is something Ive missed!!! 

I really appreciate knowing that this stuff is helping some of you out there. I know it sounds a bit negative but again I say, Im still 100% happy that Ive had it done. 

WEEK 10

So, heading into week 10. 

Heres where Im at. 

• I am putting more and more weight on my foot - with and without boot. Is that ok? Im really not sure. I have another 2 weeks til I go back for checkup, but I do tend to go with one crutch around the kitchen for instance, as it frees me up to do more. I attempted a supermarket shop the other day without my scooter, and was in AGONY. 
• The scars are all healing up beautifully! Ive still a lot of dry and flaking skin on the foot, but rubbing lots of super thick cocoa butter cream in. 
• I have to wear a VERY soft sock all the time. I have the same issue with the top of the foot as the last time - nerve damage. My right foot still has massive sensitivity so I suspect that it, and my left foot will not recover from that. But it is bearable. 
• I can see that the foot looks to be a lovely shape, even though it already seems to be pronating a bit again - but so did the other one - seems that although I have had the surgery, I still have the genetics to pronate. Yay.... not...... trouble with that is that Im terrified that the feet will fall in again. Ive been assured that this wont happen, but....
• I WANT TO BE DRIVING AGAIN. I feel so so housebound. I want to have more mobility, more independence, more freedom. Hopefully not too long now?? 
• Im terrified as to what the future holds for me. For so long it was all about waiting for the surgery, but now, Im on the road to where??? 

So, there you go. Not lots of things, but at this stage, there just isnt much to say - its really the same things over and over. 

I will check back in after the 26th - my next appointment with the surgeon. Hopefully moving into a shoe, and starting physio. 

FRUSTRATION

Just a quick check in. 
So, its a week since I got my Aircast boot. How has that been? Well, after the first day, it has become easier to get around - to a certain extent. It is easier to get around, but on the back of that, I have started to really suffer with bad hip pain. I feel the strain on my hips and lower back a bit hellish. I get up in the morning, and feel okish. I go downstairs and start pottering on my knee scooter, but within an hour, my hips are killing me. I suppose that is the time to STOP, and rest. Unfortunately with my partner in work and my daughter in school, a lot of the time I cant stop. 
I feel so very frustrated. Frustrated about what I cannot do, and what the other members of the household are not doing that I "expect" them to do. The trouble is, at this stage, if I ask for things to be done, they are being done with an element of resentment. I notice the little things, but either they dont or they choose not to. Go figure. Then, if I ask or point something out, Im "nagging"... it breaks my heart, both that Im accused of this horrible word, and that I have to. 
So, frustration plays a big part in the healing process. Frustration at myself for what I cannot do, frustration at what isnt being done which is fairly obvious to me but not to others in the household - (example - a vase of dead flowers on the table), and then the frustration at the pain. 

The thing is, I know that all this will pass. I know that in another 6ish weeks Im going to be able to get around a bit easier, so Ive just got to have patience. I mean deep breaths patience. But how do I encourage patience in those around me?? 

Ok, so Im going to write this now while Im "in the moment".... 

I am just back from having my cast removed. Taking into account it is a 2 hour drive there and back to the hospital, I have to say I am utterly exhausted. And in pain, and, well, yes, both of those things. 

On the upside, the surgeon (or should I say one of his surgical team, as he wasnt in today) said the xray looked great, and the wounds are healing brilliantly. I was really happy to hear this, as I kept having this sensation around the tibial tendon area that the wound was being rubbed - it wasnt. 

If you are waiting on this surgery, be prepared for when the cast comes off - its not a pretty sight!!! Hairy legs, dry skin, red tinges all over the foot... yes, I wont be entering a foot modelling competition any time soon. Also another good tip is to bring a long knee high sock with you to put on before you put the boot on. I am very proud of myself that I remembered!!! 

So, the boot. It does put your foot into a very different position, and this causes weird pains that you didnt or havent had for the past 6 weeks. I remember now that the foot DOES NOT LIKE CHANGE!!! It will fight, and the fight is vocalised with pain, so be prepared. 

Im home now, with the boot off, and the foot just lying there in its long sock. Im very nervous about moving it, and it is very sensitive. The doc said I can sleep without the boot, but funnily enough, Im quite nervous about the prospect tonight, so I will see later. 

Ive taken brufen and paracetamol. I was tempted to take a codipar earlier, but Im going to try and hold off. I really havent the energy to fight even a slight codeine withdrawal. 

So, going forward, I am back to outpatients in 6 weeks. I am PWB (partial weight bearing) until then - and have to go by pain levels as to how much to do. I do remember that part, and its all about not pushing past a certain pain level. I know from reading back from last surgery that it will probably take a few days for the foot to get used to having the boot on. So its a bit of patience from now. 

As you can see, the foot looks really good, and healing so well. Im delighted. It will take some soaking and exfoliating to get the dry skin off, but it will be nice in the process!!! 

I'll be back in a few days to report on how Im doing. 

Take care any fellow PTTD'ers!!! 

Week 5.1!!! 

Five weeks and one day! Wow. Since my last post, I struggled. Sleep was not had, mood dipped very low, felt very agitated. Now, I felt lucky because knowledge is power. I knew that this was all part of the process - of withdrawal from the codeine, four weeks on from recovery, feelings of "stuckness", but even knowing that, its still not been easy. I was terrified that I was going to slip back into depression and anxiety, but I also worked at staying in the moment, and remembering that there were a lot of elements to how I was feeling. I made a pact with myself that if the low mood continued for more than 2 weeks I would go to see my GP. 

But the past few days have been so much better. I have spoken to friends and family and Ive been out for coffee, and been to a supermarket - that was great!! 

Pain wise I'm absolutely fine. The odd twinges around the site of the tendon transfer, so Im hoping that there aren't any problems, but I'm sure its fine. 

So, not much else to talk about. Still I would say, I have no regrets having had this done. Its a long old haul, a lot of patience needed, ups and downs, but being prepared and having the knowledge of what you are going into is key. You will never be 100% ready even knowing all this, and to be honest, I thought this time would be so much easier because Ive done it before, but no, I actually think Ive found it harder. 

Only 6 days left of the cast...... thank goodness!!!! 

The Pain Meds Post

Its 4 weeks today since I had the surgery. I have to say, it feels like an eternity, in good and bad ways. In an odd way it has gone by quickly, but in another dimension its has been forever!!!! It is also my Birthday! Yikes!!! 

So, following on from Mondays post - I decided to totally stop the codeine. My plan is, pain meds as needed, but for now, only paracetamol or brufen. I have to say, yesterday was yuck. Now, here is the thing - am I feeling/having symptoms because I know about them, or am I really having them? I mean, Im not going through full blown withdrawal from heavy dependency, but I am definitely feeling the withdrawal. My legs are the main thing, the heavy "ache" in them, and then the evening restlessness. I also had really bad diarrhea - not sure if that was the withdrawal, it certainly is a symptom with heavy opiate withdrawal but as I said, 30mg of codeine a day over the whole day is not considered to be a heavy dependency (that is what I had gotten down to).  

I also wondered if the fact that I was on Tramadol previously has factored into the withdrawal symptoms? 

Last night wasn't great. I took 1 Panadol night - they have a "sleepy" antihistamine in them, and I do find that they help me sleep. I also took ½ a zanax for the restless legs. I dosed off after about an hour, but then would you believe I woke, and could not for the life of me settle again. I read, I tried to listen to meditations, I read again, I just lay and did breathing techniques, I tossed turned, went to the loo, and eventually I took another panadol night and another ½ zanax. I also have an app on my phone that has nature sounds, but also "binaural" sounds, so I set the dreamless sleep binaural sound, and would you believe - oscillating fan and I actually cant remember how long it took but I did end up getting to sleep thankfully. I slept all the way through to 7am this morning. 

Painwise Im actually doing fine. Its weird, I keep thinking, "ooh, I must take my meds", but I actually dont need to. Thats great isnt it?!? Im not pain-free, but its more than manageable. To be totally honest, the worst thing Im suffering from at the moment is achy legs, and not to be able to go for a walk, or swim or have an epsom salts bath is the worst!!! But Im hoping that that will pass with time. Its funny, there is always a little voice in the back of my head saying, maybe if I took just one 15mg tab, it would just ease it a little - but the logical me knows that that is the voice that drives it from being pain relief to addiction. I know my mood has definitely dropped as well - again, codeine is a great mood upper - known to be, well, any of the opiate group are, so when you remove it, the mood drops. 

Im really documenting this to show that it is a reality of post surgery, and one of the downsides. I googled codeine withdrawal yesterday, and found a thread with so many people talking about how they developed a dependency, and a lot of them were like me - post surgery, or with bad back pain, and it just spiraled. It is so easy to "trick" a doctor into keep on giving the pain meds, and I really feel that this is something that needs to be addressed. My GP's never questioned the repeat prescriptions for Tramadol for a year and a half and I know we should all take responsibility for our own health, but there should be a point where it is red flagged. 

 All along the way, since the surgery, since I had to deal with the pain nurse in the hospital, I have had this fear, or awareness of opiate dependency - especially after the Tramadol..... and I feel lucky that I had this fear to stop me spiralling. I am a bit too much of a controller to let it overcome me. I should thank myself for this - as it is probably that which has stopped me from becoming addicted to alcohol, drugs or letting my love of food turn me into a super obese person (Im overweight but never get past a certain point!). I have addiction on my fathers side, and Im very aware that it is something that can go through generations. 

Otherwise, I have nothing to report. Tick/Tock, Tick/Tock........ 

The Pain Meds Post

Its 4 weeks today since I had the surgery. I have to say, it feels like an eternity, in good and bad ways. In an odd way it has gone by quickly, but in another dimension its has been forever!!!! It is also my Birthday! Yikes!!! 

So, following on from Mondays post - I decided to totally stop the codeine. My plan is, pain meds as needed, but for now, only paracetamol or brufen. I have to say, yesterday was yuck. Now, here is the thing - am I feeling/having symptoms because I know about them, or am I really having them? I mean, Im not going through full blown withdrawal from heavy dependency, but I am definitely feeling the withdrawal. My legs are the main thing, the heavy "ache" in them, and then the evening restlessness. I also had really bad diarrhea - not sure if that was the withdrawal, it certainly is a symptom with heavy opiate withdrawal but as I said, 30mg of codeine a day over the whole day is not considered to be a heavy dependency (that is what I had gotten down to).  

I also wondered if the fact that I was on Tramadol previously has factored into the withdrawal symptoms? 

Last night wasn't great. I took 1 Panadol night - they have a "sleepy" antihistamine in them, and I do find that they help me sleep. I also took ½ a zanax for the restless legs. I dosed off after about an hour, but then would you believe I woke, and could not for the life of me settle again. I read, I tried to listen to meditations, I read again, I just lay and did breathing techniques, I tossed turned, went to the loo, and eventually I took another panadol night and another ½ zanax. I also have an app on my phone that has nature sounds, but also "binaural" sounds, so I set the dreamless sleep binaural sound, and would you believe - oscillating fan and I actually cant remember how long it took but I did end up getting to sleep thankfully. I slept all the way through to 7am this morning. 

Painwise Im actually doing fine. Its weird, I keep thinking, "ooh, I must take my meds", but I actually dont need to. Thats great isnt it?!? Im not pain-free, but its more than manageable. To be totally honest, the worst thing Im suffering from at the moment is achy legs, and not to be able to go for a walk, or swim or have an epsom salts bath is the worst!!! But Im hoping that that will pass with time. Its funny, there is always a little voice in the back of my head saying, maybe if I took just one 15mg tab, it would just ease it a little - but the logical me knows that that is the voice that drives it from being pain relief to addiction. I know my mood has definitely dropped as well - again, codeine is a great mood upper - known to be, well, any of the opiate group are, so when you remove it, the mood drops. 

Im really documenting this to show that it is a reality of post surgery, and one of the downsides. I googled codeine withdrawal yesterday, and found a thread with so many people talking about how they developed a dependency, and a lot of them were like me - post surgery, or with bad back pain, and it just spiraled. It is so easy to "trick" a doctor into keep on giving the pain meds, and I really feel that this is something that needs to be addressed. My GP's never questioned the repeat prescriptions for Tramadol for a year and a half and I know we should all take responsibility for our own health, but there should be a point where it is red flagged. 

 All along the way, since the surgery, since I had to deal with the pain nurse in the hospital, I have had this fear, or awareness of opiate dependency - especially after the Tramadol..... and I feel lucky that I had this fear to stop me spiralling. I am a bit too much of a controller to let it overcome me. I should thank myself for this - as it is probably that which has stopped me from becoming addicted to alcohol, drugs or letting my love of food turn me into a super obese person (Im overweight but never get past a certain point!). I have addiction on my fathers side, and Im very aware that it is something that can go through generations. 

Otherwise, I have nothing to report. Tick/Tock, Tick/Tock........ 

So, I thought I would come here and do another blog - break the day up!!! 

Things Ive realised today. To really and truly have the pain under control, I need to keep the foot E.L.E.V.A.T.E.D.... not just up, but yes, TOES ABOVE NOSE. 

Of course I have known about this, but, when you are in the midst of it all, it is harder to actually be compliant - but after a few hours out yesterday, I now realise that, yes, this is really really important in the pain control. 

So how have I come to this conclusion?? Let me explain. 

One of the things Ive been stressing/worrying about this time around is medication dependency. For the past year and a half I have been taking Tramadol - at first for pain relief, yes, but then, when I tried to wean off it, the restless leg syndrome kicked in (no pun intended), and to be quite honest and frank, I ended up taking a maintenance dose knowing that I was going to be having the surgery and knowing from the last surgery that I came off the Tramadol and it was fine. Yes, I regret the day I started taking them again for the pain caused by the left foot, but I did, and lesson learnt. 

So, I insisted this time that that was it with Tramadol - no way will I ever take it ever again. What a horrible drug, and one that I think is prescribed far too freely. 

Anyway, I was put on coedine. Now I have to say Ive never had a problem with coedine before, and certainly never felt like I was dependent or needing it, but as a worrier, I know after all the warnings here in Ireland (you would not believe how difficult it is to buy any over the counter medication containing coedine here) that there is a real chance of my body becoming physically dependent on it, and believe you me, I do not want or need that in my life. In fact I really want to be free of all meds by this time next year, including blood pressure and reflux meds. 

So, as of today, I am starting  my wean down from the coedine based meds. This means keeping my foot absolutely elevated so as to not have to resort. So far today I have only taken 15mg with paracetamol (Tylenol?), so Im doing well. I will take some at bed if I really feel I need to, but I am going to do my best not to. I want to be free of the coedine tablets by the weekend, and only using them when pain is higher. Up to now I have been taking them at scheduled times to keep ahead of the pain, but now I feel is time to work them down and only use as needed (I would REALLY appreciate anyone elses opinion on this if you would be good enough to leave me a comment!!!). 

Onto the other thing that has been bothering me - I really really miss cooking. I love cooking and I know Im good at it. I mean, really good at it - now posh, restaurant quality, but good family meals, and no matter how hard they try, my family are just not quite getting it!!! I was a member of Slimming World (not hugely successful I might add, but was working at it), and love to create healthy dishes, but now that Im at the mercy of my family, I have to basically take whats given to a certain extent. Then, the boredom eating - oh my gawd, the boredom eating is awful, in that I just want to eat, constantly, and I know its because Im bored.... 

Lordy, I sound like such a whinge bag, and Im really not. Most of the time, Im a very positive, forward thinking person, but today Im fed up and another 2.5 weeks are spanning ahead of me - ugh. 

Today, here in Ireland the sun is shining, and I cant go out in it because there is nowhere for me to go to lie down with my leg elevated enough. So I am looking out my bedroom window at everyone enjoying the sun. And we are having a BBQ for dinner, and no, I have had to say I cant partake because I am afraid to have my foot down after the pain from yesterday and having to take extra meds. 

So at the end of this blog, I am going to write down 3 things Im grateful for - 

1. I am grateful knowing that all this will pass, that I am healing and that I will have the pleasure of having 2 better feet at the end of it all. 
2. I am grateful for those around me, who love and support me and care for me. 
3. I am grateful to be able to look out my window and see glorious sunshine!!! 

Til the next time, over and out. Oh and here is me writing this piece, and showing said elevation!!!! 

The Shit Side of Enforced Arse Sitting!!!

Today I thought I would talk about the shit side of all this. The mind and arse numbing boredom, the frustration having to do the slightest little tasks, the pain searing through your foot and you know you arent due any more pain meds for another 2 hours. Oh and stretching your legs - that one - how awful the pain is when you do a full leg stretch but you cant just do one leg. 

Having to rely on everyone for nearly everything - its really heart breaking. Biding your time to ask for something because you know that the person is busy, or has just sat down, or has been in work all day, or any scenario. "no thanks" becomes a common phrase - or "if you wouldnt mind" or "I hate to ask you but".... 

Waking up in the morning, knowing you should feel grateful for another day dawning, but all you can see is an expanse of another day ahead of you. Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner. Everything revolves around food. And Im fat, so Im well aware that Im probably going to end up fatter - thats for dealing with at a later date because I just havent the mental energy to deal with it now. 

Watching copious amounts of Netflix/live streaming, Youtube videos, doing meditations, reading, Facebook, and more Facebook. 

And sitting around on your numb arse, trying to find a different position, but there just isnt one that means your foot is elevated. 

But you know what, at the end of the day, this will all be worth it. I have to believe that. I have to believe that next summer, I will be strolling around on the beach for pleasure with my dogs. I will be able to walk up the mountains, and take pleasure in it. I will, I will, I will. 

And hey, arent I so very lucky that I can have all this surgery done - that there is hope for me at the end!!! 

Over and out. 

FRANKENFOOT PART 2

Wow!!! I cant believe that my last blog on here was July 2015. I guess life just keeps moving onwards and as I didnt have much to report, this blog went to the wayside. 

It is Monday the 22nd August 2016, and I am 19 days post op on my left foot. 

What did I have? 

- calcaneal osteotomy 

- cotton osteotomy

- tibial tendon transfer 

So, compared to the right foot, I had slightly less done. They didnt need to stretch the achilles tendon, nor did they do a bone graft for the cotton osteotomy, they used bone from the bone bank. This meant an easier recovery as the hip graft was a painful area for quite a while! I also didnt have a general anesthetic - they did a spinal block with heavy sedation... also did a nerve block, but more about that later. 

Now, so far, the differences? Well, post surgery, sadly the nerve block wore off too quickly which resulted in me having a HUGE amount of pain the night of the surgery and the next day, all of which resulted in the "pain nurse" having to basically sit with me for the day, and then pump morphine into me to get past the pain, to reign it back in (in the simplest of terms!). God I loved that man that day. He was an absolute angel, and was so attentive and caring. The day after was better, although I was really sick with the pain meds, so couldnt really eat anything. On the 3rd day, because they had decided the day before to give me laxatives because of slack bowels from opiates, I had severe gut pain for half the day, and I mean, akin to food poisoning pain, which amounted to me being toilet bound 6-8 times in one hour... not so easy on crutches, and trying to keep the foot elevated..... I discovered that they had more or less overdosed me on laxatives - and when you think I had eaten very little, it was no wonder my bowels reacted the way they did. They eventually gave me Immodium - ridiculous. 

I got home on Sunday - (surgery was done on Wed 3 Aug 2016), and went straight to my Mums like last time - Im actually still here as I write this - but due to go home tomorrow to my own house. Post surgery has been pretty much the same as the last time so far - apart from post GA (general anesthetic) grogginess, which I didnt have this time!! I definitely have been much "fresher" headed. Pain hasnt been great. Im acutely aware that I dont want my body to become dependent on pain meds - coedine specifically, as I used the surgery to come off Tramadol - having become physically dependent on that... ugh.... So, Ive worked out a way of weaning off the coedine - and hopefully so far it seems to be working. I aim to be only taking paracetamol and brufen by this time next week, with the odd coedine when I need it. 

I went back to Dublin on Wednesday last for the two week cast change - and it all went fine - very odd not to see the any of the consultants team this time - but the "plaster" nurses seemed happy enough with the surgical sites. 

So, here at day 19, all is going as it should. I have aches and pains in my hips, back and legs, because of having to stay in certain positions due to having to elevate the foot, but on the whole, all is manageable. I have my knee scooter again, and that is just brilliant - I recommend ANYONE having any type of foot/ankle surgery to invest in one, either to rent or buy - (you will make the money back no problem selling it on!). 

Ive been doing some "bed yoga" which I found on Youtube - worth doing for the stiffness. 

JUST A LITTLE ASIDE - HOW IS FOOT NUMBER 1 TODAY - 18 MONTHS POST OP?? 

Well, how many times am I asked this question?? Its not as easy a question to answer as it seems. Since I got back on my feet, after the first surgery, I havent been able to "test" it as much as I would like because of the left foot being so bad. I know I have had to compensate a lot because of the left foot, and waiting 17 months for surgery on that one definitely hasnt helped the recovery of the first foot - in my humble opinion. So, in all honesty, its not perfect - I would say it is about 80%, which, in the grand scheme of things is fabulous when you think about it!!! I really dont think its ever going to be 100% right. It has pronated again, but the whole foot hasnt pulled over - I just dont have a perfect little arch, which is disappointing, but the difference is, I know I will be able to wear a shoe with a bit of heel if I need to without crying at how horrible it looks, nay, not being able to full stop!!! 

My ULTIMATE goal with both feet is just to be able to walk again for pleasure without extreme pain. I know realistically this means this time next year - so that is the goal - walk on the beach for pure and utter pleasure. Walk through the forest with my dogs, just for me time... not too much to ask is it?? 

I will check in again after the cast comes off. There really isnt much to say in the next 4 weeks! Its just patience, patience and more patience!!! 

SO, HOW WAS JUNE!!!

So, how was June? 

Well, recovery is moving in the right direction, albeit so very very slowly. Im fully out of the boot now for a good while. Im also only using my crutch when Im due to walk any distance, or if my feet are hurting particularly. 

I have to admit that Ive sunk into a bit of a depression in the past few weeks. While its all well and good 'knowing' that this is a long slow recovery process, the reality of it is a lot different, and quite a bit harder to deal with. 

I find it hard to be motivated to do my physio, but I do do it (not as much as I should, but Im working at it). 

One of the things that has gotten me into a bit of a spin is the invitation to a wedding in a months time. I know that my foot/feet will not cope with any sort of pressure - but I can wear trainers with a nice dress up outfit either. Im not sure what Im going to do..... Ive been contemplating wearing trousers and a top so I can get away with supportive shoes. I find this side of it all quite depressing. My wardrobe choices are based on track suit bottoms, leggings with a long top, and the odd pair of jeans. All to suit my footwear!!! 

But thats cosmetic..... Im getting there. The scars are nearly invisible. I really did look after them well, massaging them, etc. I still have to wear a soft sock at night as the top of the foot is still sensitive when it gets touched, but again, Im massaging that as often as possible. It may be lasting nerve damage, but hopefully not. I get quite a bit of pain when Im on my feet for any length of time, especially across the top of the foot (more so than the tendon area), but again, I am hoping that with time and physio this will fade away. 

I was worrying that I had damaged my tendon again... when you look at my feet, the right foot still has a "flat" look to it. But I went to see a physiotherapist recently, and she assured me that it was fine looking and that I was doing really well for the stage Im at, which was very reassuring. 

So, thats the latest on the journey of the frankenfoot! I still dont regret having had it done. I can actually feel I have an arch when I walk barefooted which is amazing, and such a treat! 

TIME MOVES SO SLOWLY

So, week 14 -
I was amazed when I went back and counted the weeks, because I felt I was much further ahead than 14 weeks!!
Where am I at. Not too far along, but Im determined to mark every little positive and note every little change even if they are small.
I feel its the only way to get through this.... believe you me, this is by far the most frustrating part of the recovery - and why? Because it requires a great deal of patience - I mean - ABSOLUTE patience.
This week, I have been a lot better at managing my pain, mostly because I heeded the physios warning - that I COULD do damage to the tendon again if I dont give it the time it requires. That scared me. I really do not want to undo all the magical work that was done during surgery - how stupid would that be?? But its so very hard. Everyone sees you are up and about, walking perhaps with one crutch - oh, she must be better - then I turn around and say, I have to rest - I have awful pain - and I know there is a look in their eye - not quite believing...

So - the positives?? Here they are -
At the 14 week mark, I notice -

• My foot is not as swollen at the end of the day
• The scars are really fading - due to me rigidly massaging all the time
• I can go longer on my feet
• I am starting to walk with less of a limp when I dont have the crutches
• I have great movement in my foot - again, due to doing my physio exercises
• I can go up and down the stairs, one foot at a time, instead of going up and down with my "good" foot leading. 
• Yesterday, I went to 2 supermarkets, and didnt end up in agony - thats my tester! 

I have been given the go ahead to start swimming again - Im going today - and I cant wait. Just to have a bit of floatation for this poor aching body. Im going to start slowly, and not have large expectations. I also have purchased a second hand exercise bike, which again, I will be building up my time on it. Keeping the joints moving. I have a lot of pain in my hips for some reason, so hoping the swimming will help with that. 

I am a very positive person - I like to focus on the positives. I cant pretend that it gets really hard sometimes, but on the whole, its getting there. 

Positives Moving Forward

In the year I was waiting for my surgery, I did a lot of research. Im one of these people that likes to learn what is going on before I have it. I discovered Healthboards, where they have a "foot and ankle problem" forum. I post from time to time, and I have posted the following today - an update of sorts!

The Positives

---

Hi. I know that there are some people reading this that havent had surgery yet. I know I read lots in the year before my op.
Im now just over 11 weeks post op. I had a real sense of realisation the past few days.
I suppose the first is, that although I KNEW, it really hit me just how long the recovery is. And I did/do know it is anything up to 8 months - with the year marker really showing that its all worth it.
Saying all that, my friend collected me the other day to go for breakfast. We went to town. I had my boot on, with crutches. Now, I had to go to a few different shops - first time in town really - and some were at one end and others were at the other end - it struck me at the last shop, when I knew I had had enough, that the last time I had been in that particular shop was about 4 weeks ago - and I had only walked about 4 mins to it, and back again, and it had really exhausted me. I stood in that shop and realised how far I have actually come in those 4 weeks. Its very hard to see that, as its so so so slow, but it was a real lightbulb moment for me, and gave me a great boost.
Next, I cooked for my folks. I LOVE cooking, and although it was great that my partner was able to take over the cooking, I had missed it. I use kitchen chairs - to kneel on, so Im not standing. It did take a lot out of me, but again, the sense of achievement helped with the psychological side.
And, finally, today I took a shower standing up for the first time. I managed it just - ten mins - and then my foot started to ache. BUT again, its a move forward.
What I am trying to say is, that its important to log all these little pluses as well as the tough times - because there are plenty of those. Due to the fact that over the past few days I had really overdone it I did suffer, so made the decision to have a full rest day yesterday - apart from going down to get coffee and food!
Im now able to hobble to the bathroom barefoot on one crutch in the night. Im doing my physio, giving my foot a really good massage morning and night, and resting as well.
Oh, and one other thing, Im driving very short distances. Im finding that absolutely fine. My foot has enough good movement in it that its able. Oh the freedom.

So, again, I say, I do not regret having the surgery one little bit - Im 100% happy I had it done, and cannot wait to have the other one done now.

Week 10

So, week ten, moving into week 11.
Physically I'm doing as well as expected. Moving forward. I saw my surgeon last Monday, and he is happy with progression. I now have to start the next phase - learning how to walk again. This involves a very long slow process.
Let me explain - because the operation involves not only bones, but tendons, there is a very lengthy recovery. I was at physiotherapy on Thursday and she explained it to me quite well - tendons need to be tricked into change. They don't like change - they fight against it - with high pain. When you have had surgery to correct tendon damage, firstly, tendons have limited blood supply - which means they take a lot longer to heal. Secondly, when the foot has been altered - as in reconstructive surgery, all the muscles and tendons will have been changed into different positions. All this culminates into the fact that after surgery for PTTD, it takes anywhere up to a year before the foot is comfortable with what has gone on.
Thankfully, I knew all this, BUT, saying that, knowing is very different to living it. It is extremely frustrating.... I still cannot drive. I get pain after just 10/15 mins walking around the house in "normal" footwear. The rest of my body suffers - back ache, hips, muscles spasming in my legs, and general exhaustion after doing anything that consists of normal day to day living. Even going out to do the weekly supermarket shop with help has me huffing and puffing with tiredness.
It cannot be easy on those around me. Of course, most peoples experience of surgeries/broken bones, etc are that the person is generally up and about after 6-8 weeks. The fact that this surgery is so major, does escape most peoples knowledge of recovery... it is definitely not a surgery that is undertaken easily. Its funny, but all the post op stuff was so much easier to handle than this stage. I want to be driving again, I want to be able to do things that don't end up in me having to take near bed rest for the following few days - an example of this was last Thursday. I had bought a replacement bedside locker - my old one was falling apart. I decided that this was something I could do sitting on the side of the bed - so I set about swapping over drawer contents. This led to me tidying up around that locker, and then, I decided that my chest of drawers needed sorting. I cannot describe to you how good this felt for me to be able to do - mentally - physically, my foot/feet were screaming by the time I went and got into the shower. That was the afternoon I went for my first physio, and she couldn't actually do much with me as I was in so much pain. Yes, I had overdone it. Just that hour or so of decluttering and tidying left me in a lot of pain for the next few days.
The swelling is also frustrating. It might not look like my foot is swollen, but when I go to put it into a shoe - ouchy. And as the top of my foot is quite nervy and sensitive, it is unpleasant. That is the only other thing - I have to wear a sock at all times as the nerves are not a nice sensation. Its not sore - by any means - its just, not nice.

BUT, saying all that, I am definitely noticing small improvements each and every day. I can now get around with one crutch if I really need to - and if I am in my boot, I can go crutch free to a certain extent. My range of movement (ROM) has vastly improved, and I'm doing my exercises diligently... with lots of massage with Skin Therapy Oil (I love the Palmers Cocoa Butter Formula one - don't like Bio-oil). I can take Brufen again (Its a no no for a lot of orthopedic surgeons post surgery) and it does help with my other foot. I have started an online course, to keep me occupied.
So, my goal for the next fortnight is to get driving again. My surgeon told me that I can drive when I feel confident that I can put my foot down hard. As I drive an automatic this should be soon enough. Maybe a small drive to a shop will be my first test.

So, there you go. Nearly week 11 already. I have to say, this time has absolutely flown by even though it drags. Nearly 3 months.... Wow.

And here it is..... 10 weeks post op... my lovely new foot!!!! 

WEEK 7

Well, its been a while. To be honest, apart from getting the cast off, I havent had much to say.
Recovering from major foot surgery requires, well, a lot of sitting - reading, watching TV/Netflix/films, listening to Podcasts/music/silence, a bit of company from friends who bother to call - thankfully there have been a few, and dealing with different pain issues.

Last week, at the 6 week mark, I got the hard cast removed. Very happily, the surgeon was pleased with how the healing was going - seen on an x-ray. I was then put into an Aircast Camboot - as can be seen in one of the update pictures to follow!

I absolutely didnt like it the first couple of days, but have gotten used to it now. It means I can start to PWB (partial weigh bearing), but told to stay between 10-40% max. The reason for this is that the tendon repair can take up to 3 months to actually repair/attach, and also, the bone in the heel needs to adjust to the pins. (the physio in the hospital told me this this morning, which shed some light on it all)....

I can also sleep without the boot on now. I do keep it elevated, and have a sock on, as it is so nervy, and is still sore, but its nice to have it out of the boot as well. Also gives me the chance to soak it in oil to try and remove the dry skin - ewwww.

My other foot - left foot - is absolute agony, still taking all the brunt, but thankfully it has been put forward for surgery as well, which I cannot wait for!! Because of this, and the pain in my frankenfoot, I am still taking painkillers, which again, I look forward to the day that I wont have to take them at all.

It really is a long slow, and sometimes painful journey. I do absolutely stand by the fact though that I dont regret it for one moment. And, I look forward to the day that I get the other one done. I have attached some pictures to show how good it is looking. It does get quite swollen which doesnt help with the pain, but I am pleased at how well the scars are healing.

Goodbye Orange Cast!! 

 

 VERY dry skin - the night the cast came off. 

The ROBOBOOT!!!

2 days difference..... right pic after 1 day, left pic after 4 days. 

not weight bearing, but looking more like a normal foot!!! 

The Boot!! 

The comparison!

DAY 19

Today is Monday. This Wednesday it will be three weeks post op.

To follow on from last weeks blog, I was getting ready to see my foot for the first time, and get a hard cast put on.
Looking back, from where I am today, I suppose I personally would say the first 2 weeks were actually the easiest. Having the cast change as a marker at 2 weeks was something to aim for. Getting used to being NWB (non weight bearing), recovering from surgery, still having the smiley pain meds, etc, it was all a bit of a bubble.
Then, last Wednesday, I travelled to get my hard cast on. It is a 2 hour journey, and I sat in the back, with foot propped on pillows, etc. Unfortunately I hadnt thought ahead, and suffered terrible car sickness all the way up. My poor Mum driving in the front, and having to listen to my groans!
We arrived, and I went to the allotted day ward where a nurse removed the dressings and VOILA, there was my beautifully coloured, black and blue frankenfoot!!!! Now, I have to say, I am not squeemish in the slightest so I was looking forward to this so much. I actually was so happy to see it, with all the scars it held. I was proud to see this fine foot, not too much swelling, and with a new look to it!!!
The surgeon came around, and had a look, saying - "ah yes, you had the works!". He too was very happy with it all. I then asked him, um, can you now put me on the surgical list for my other foot - to which he had a look, and said, yes, especially with the waiting times for the surgery!!!

I then had a cuppa and a slice of bread to settle my stomach. The hospital kindly gave me an anti nausea tablet, and I was feeling so much better.

Then, i was wheeled down to the theatre, where they do casts, and had my new, bright orange cast applied. Not my color of choice, but she didnt have any purple left! She had to put the foot at a different angle - more like a "standing" angle, which hurt, but the nurse explained why - and I accepted that it might be sore for a day or two.

I then went back up to the ward where my Mum was waiting, got changed, and we left. Thankfully the car sickness had abated for the journey home, enough so that we actually stopped and had a bite to eat - my first outing in public with my knee scooter!!!! Very proud I was!!!

I have to say, I really was utterly exhausted by the time we got home. I fell into bed, and got the foot elevated quickly as possible.

Then, that night, I got the most awful, tears to the eyes pain. I took an oxy, which helped, and by the next morning it had abated.

Unfortunately, I also woke up with a dreaded stomach bug - nausea/vommiting/ and migraine from hell. This all of course meant I couldnt keep any pain meds down, so the day went by with trying to take something, take anti nauseas, take paracetamol, back up again an hour later, and so on and so on. I will say no more about it because it really was an horrific day.

The next day, I felt a modicum better, if not very fragile in all ways. I decided it was the day to start cutting out the coedine and see how I managed. Im proud to say, I did, only taking one that night before bed.

I woke up again on Sat morning feeling "ewww" again. Im not sure whether its opiate hangover, or a combination of that and the remenants of the bug, but yes, nauseus again, so took another anti nausea tablet and within half an hour I did feel better.

In fact, this was the day I decided to start pushing myself physically a bit more. I got up, had a small breakfast, went for a spin around on my knee scooter, chatted in kitchen with my Mum, then rested a bit. I then got up for dinner, and sat with foot elevated, and watched TV. I did feel better for all this.

Sunday, again, I got up and made my own breakfast (still a bit nauseas- another anti sickness tab) - fried egg on toast, and coffee, which were divine. I then went for a spin down the driveway, out into the fresh air. It was lovely, and did me the world of good mentally!! I was EXHAUSTED again though!!!
I did stay up and about more than the day before, and interacted and socialized, and it was really lovely to sit with the family for dinner.

Pain wise, its managable. Sometimes it does get me where I have a little ouchy, but it really is bearable, and this is such a relief to me. What I am starting to find a bit tough is the post op blues. Thankfully, I have been well prepped about them, and have my little cry, but then move on. I do feel quite vulnerable at the moment, and that doesnt help - not because Im on my own, but because I feel so out of control to such a large extent. On the other hand, knowledge is power, and having done so much research, I was prepared for a lot of what is happening and how Im feeling. I get that in the first 2 weeks, youre still on a bit of a high, drugs wise, and relief at getting over the surgery! Now there is a 4 week chasm spanning till the next appointment, so it feels a bit like an anticlimax in a way. But Im a positive thinker, and I know I will get through all this. Life also presents obstacles, problems, etc outside of the surgery, AND me!!! (No, I do realise, its not all about me!!!!!).

I am trying now to fill my day, and have a bit of plan to it - Physio exercises, mindfulness, reading, Netflix, etc......now Im getting up and about and socialising more with my Mum and Stepfather, and my daughter.

This week hopefully sees me return home to my own house. I feel quite strange about it, but miss  home and  miss my partner as well - (in an odd way!) and of course my animals!

I have added some pictures of my foot, so be warned if you find you are squeemish!!!

outside tendon repair

PTT graft

cotton osteotomy

calcaneal osteotomy

after surgery dressing

hard cast

site of pins

FRANKENFOOT!!!