LIFE & RESTRICTIONS

I wanted to write about my thoughts and feelings with regards to the restrictions that having this condition has put on my life.

It may answer some questions, as I would like to think that it would not only be people who suffer with this condition that read this, but also give those who are around people who suffer with chronic pain issues a bit on an understanding as to how it affects us mentally as well.

I get asked a lot, would orthotics not help. Well, no, not at this stage. I wore very good, expensive orthotics for a long time before the damage really happened. Having spoken to my physio, I think, because of the hypermobility issues, this was going to happen regardless, unless it could have been flagged when I was much younger.
I still wear my orthotics where possible, BUT to be honest, for me at this stage - ie, the waiting for surgery stage - my priority is comfort. Getting through a day. I discovered at the end of the summer that Sketcher Go Walks are the most comfortable piece of footwear for me. I tried wearing ankle braces, boots, orthotics, but ended up in such awful pain each time that it just wasnt worth it for me. So, my footwear is now a pair of Go Walk shoes, and a pair of Skechers Go Boots for the winter. I have hiking boots, but my feet really hurt after them, then I have a pair of zip up "fashion" boots that my orthotics fit into and will wear if needed.. I dont care.... comfort over pain!!!

So, I am never pain free. Ever, in both feet. I get shooting nervy pains, stabbing pains, throbbing pain, achey pain. Sometimes when Ive done too much it feels like my feet are in vices - and being stabbed.

Mornings are hard. Stairs really hurt. Then once they have "warmed up" and pain meds have kicked in, they arent too bad for a while. Afternoon the pain and aches in the legs start.... then my body spends its time trying to cope - leading to exhaustion...

By evening time - IF I havent done too much walking, I am "just" in pain - if Ive done some shopping - or any walking for more than about ten/fifteen mins, Im in trouble. I feel like my feet are BURNING.... (I have said perhaps I was a witch in my previous life - burned at the stake!!!).... I can think of no other term for the sensation and pain....

A lot of the depression associated with chronic pain, and particularly with regards to my own situation is how limited I am now. I thank the Universe every day that I CAN actually walk - albeit with pain, BUT, each of us can only be relative to our own situations. I can look at Jimbo down the road who is in a wheelchair, or Mary with an amputated leg, or the child with cancer, or chronic arthritis, and I CAN thank what I have, but its not always that easy....
I cant go walking for pleasure anymore - that is THE biggest thing I miss. I loved putting my headphones on, lead on my little Roxy and off we would go. It was my headspace. My decluttering of the mind. We used to go for big long forest walks, or just around the town, or the beach. All those are dreams to me now. Thankfully, if all goes well, I WILL be able to do those walks again - for pleasure.

I get down about the effects it has on my family life. My partner is absolutely wonderful. I thought this would drive a massive wedge between us, but it has only brought us closer. Im HAVING to let go of some control, and he is doing more. I have a teenager daughter - so thats not so easy. Glimmers of care here and there, but she is at the very egotistic stage of the teens, so its very wearing. I worry about the worry it causes my Mum. I know she is worried sick about me, and as much as I am 46 years of age, there is truth - mothers never stop worrying about their children. So I try to keep upbeat. For all those around me, but every now and again, I sink so low.

Im blessed with my work. I love it so much, even when Ive had a hell awful week, I can still look at it and say, thank goodness for it.

So, there are  my thoughts on life and restrictions.