So, I thought I would come here and do another blog - break the day up!!! 

Things Ive realised today. To really and truly have the pain under control, I need to keep the foot E.L.E.V.A.T.E.D.... not just up, but yes, TOES ABOVE NOSE. 

Of course I have known about this, but, when you are in the midst of it all, it is harder to actually be compliant - but after a few hours out yesterday, I now realise that, yes, this is really really important in the pain control. 

So how have I come to this conclusion?? Let me explain. 

One of the things Ive been stressing/worrying about this time around is medication dependency. For the past year and a half I have been taking Tramadol - at first for pain relief, yes, but then, when I tried to wean off it, the restless leg syndrome kicked in (no pun intended), and to be quite honest and frank, I ended up taking a maintenance dose knowing that I was going to be having the surgery and knowing from the last surgery that I came off the Tramadol and it was fine. Yes, I regret the day I started taking them again for the pain caused by the left foot, but I did, and lesson learnt. 

So, I insisted this time that that was it with Tramadol - no way will I ever take it ever again. What a horrible drug, and one that I think is prescribed far too freely. 

Anyway, I was put on coedine. Now I have to say Ive never had a problem with coedine before, and certainly never felt like I was dependent or needing it, but as a worrier, I know after all the warnings here in Ireland (you would not believe how difficult it is to buy any over the counter medication containing coedine here) that there is a real chance of my body becoming physically dependent on it, and believe you me, I do not want or need that in my life. In fact I really want to be free of all meds by this time next year, including blood pressure and reflux meds. 

So, as of today, I am starting  my wean down from the coedine based meds. This means keeping my foot absolutely elevated so as to not have to resort. So far today I have only taken 15mg with paracetamol (Tylenol?), so Im doing well. I will take some at bed if I really feel I need to, but I am going to do my best not to. I want to be free of the coedine tablets by the weekend, and only using them when pain is higher. Up to now I have been taking them at scheduled times to keep ahead of the pain, but now I feel is time to work them down and only use as needed (I would REALLY appreciate anyone elses opinion on this if you would be good enough to leave me a comment!!!). 

Onto the other thing that has been bothering me - I really really miss cooking. I love cooking and I know Im good at it. I mean, really good at it - now posh, restaurant quality, but good family meals, and no matter how hard they try, my family are just not quite getting it!!! I was a member of Slimming World (not hugely successful I might add, but was working at it), and love to create healthy dishes, but now that Im at the mercy of my family, I have to basically take whats given to a certain extent. Then, the boredom eating - oh my gawd, the boredom eating is awful, in that I just want to eat, constantly, and I know its because Im bored.... 

Lordy, I sound like such a whinge bag, and Im really not. Most of the time, Im a very positive, forward thinking person, but today Im fed up and another 2.5 weeks are spanning ahead of me - ugh. 

Today, here in Ireland the sun is shining, and I cant go out in it because there is nowhere for me to go to lie down with my leg elevated enough. So I am looking out my bedroom window at everyone enjoying the sun. And we are having a BBQ for dinner, and no, I have had to say I cant partake because I am afraid to have my foot down after the pain from yesterday and having to take extra meds. 

So at the end of this blog, I am going to write down 3 things Im grateful for - 

1. I am grateful knowing that all this will pass, that I am healing and that I will have the pleasure of having 2 better feet at the end of it all. 
2. I am grateful for those around me, who love and support me and care for me. 
3. I am grateful to be able to look out my window and see glorious sunshine!!! 

Til the next time, over and out. Oh and here is me writing this piece, and showing said elevation!!!! 

The Shit Side of Enforced Arse Sitting!!!

Today I thought I would talk about the shit side of all this. The mind and arse numbing boredom, the frustration having to do the slightest little tasks, the pain searing through your foot and you know you arent due any more pain meds for another 2 hours. Oh and stretching your legs - that one - how awful the pain is when you do a full leg stretch but you cant just do one leg. 

Having to rely on everyone for nearly everything - its really heart breaking. Biding your time to ask for something because you know that the person is busy, or has just sat down, or has been in work all day, or any scenario. "no thanks" becomes a common phrase - or "if you wouldnt mind" or "I hate to ask you but".... 

Waking up in the morning, knowing you should feel grateful for another day dawning, but all you can see is an expanse of another day ahead of you. Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner. Everything revolves around food. And Im fat, so Im well aware that Im probably going to end up fatter - thats for dealing with at a later date because I just havent the mental energy to deal with it now. 

Watching copious amounts of Netflix/live streaming, Youtube videos, doing meditations, reading, Facebook, and more Facebook. 

And sitting around on your numb arse, trying to find a different position, but there just isnt one that means your foot is elevated. 

But you know what, at the end of the day, this will all be worth it. I have to believe that. I have to believe that next summer, I will be strolling around on the beach for pleasure with my dogs. I will be able to walk up the mountains, and take pleasure in it. I will, I will, I will. 

And hey, arent I so very lucky that I can have all this surgery done - that there is hope for me at the end!!! 

Over and out. 

FRANKENFOOT PART 2

Wow!!! I cant believe that my last blog on here was July 2015. I guess life just keeps moving onwards and as I didnt have much to report, this blog went to the wayside. 

It is Monday the 22nd August 2016, and I am 19 days post op on my left foot. 

What did I have? 

- calcaneal osteotomy 

- cotton osteotomy

- tibial tendon transfer 

So, compared to the right foot, I had slightly less done. They didnt need to stretch the achilles tendon, nor did they do a bone graft for the cotton osteotomy, they used bone from the bone bank. This meant an easier recovery as the hip graft was a painful area for quite a while! I also didnt have a general anesthetic - they did a spinal block with heavy sedation... also did a nerve block, but more about that later. 

Now, so far, the differences? Well, post surgery, sadly the nerve block wore off too quickly which resulted in me having a HUGE amount of pain the night of the surgery and the next day, all of which resulted in the "pain nurse" having to basically sit with me for the day, and then pump morphine into me to get past the pain, to reign it back in (in the simplest of terms!). God I loved that man that day. He was an absolute angel, and was so attentive and caring. The day after was better, although I was really sick with the pain meds, so couldnt really eat anything. On the 3rd day, because they had decided the day before to give me laxatives because of slack bowels from opiates, I had severe gut pain for half the day, and I mean, akin to food poisoning pain, which amounted to me being toilet bound 6-8 times in one hour... not so easy on crutches, and trying to keep the foot elevated..... I discovered that they had more or less overdosed me on laxatives - and when you think I had eaten very little, it was no wonder my bowels reacted the way they did. They eventually gave me Immodium - ridiculous. 

I got home on Sunday - (surgery was done on Wed 3 Aug 2016), and went straight to my Mums like last time - Im actually still here as I write this - but due to go home tomorrow to my own house. Post surgery has been pretty much the same as the last time so far - apart from post GA (general anesthetic) grogginess, which I didnt have this time!! I definitely have been much "fresher" headed. Pain hasnt been great. Im acutely aware that I dont want my body to become dependent on pain meds - coedine specifically, as I used the surgery to come off Tramadol - having become physically dependent on that... ugh.... So, Ive worked out a way of weaning off the coedine - and hopefully so far it seems to be working. I aim to be only taking paracetamol and brufen by this time next week, with the odd coedine when I need it. 

I went back to Dublin on Wednesday last for the two week cast change - and it all went fine - very odd not to see the any of the consultants team this time - but the "plaster" nurses seemed happy enough with the surgical sites. 

So, here at day 19, all is going as it should. I have aches and pains in my hips, back and legs, because of having to stay in certain positions due to having to elevate the foot, but on the whole, all is manageable. I have my knee scooter again, and that is just brilliant - I recommend ANYONE having any type of foot/ankle surgery to invest in one, either to rent or buy - (you will make the money back no problem selling it on!). 

Ive been doing some "bed yoga" which I found on Youtube - worth doing for the stiffness. 

JUST A LITTLE ASIDE - HOW IS FOOT NUMBER 1 TODAY - 18 MONTHS POST OP?? 

Well, how many times am I asked this question?? Its not as easy a question to answer as it seems. Since I got back on my feet, after the first surgery, I havent been able to "test" it as much as I would like because of the left foot being so bad. I know I have had to compensate a lot because of the left foot, and waiting 17 months for surgery on that one definitely hasnt helped the recovery of the first foot - in my humble opinion. So, in all honesty, its not perfect - I would say it is about 80%, which, in the grand scheme of things is fabulous when you think about it!!! I really dont think its ever going to be 100% right. It has pronated again, but the whole foot hasnt pulled over - I just dont have a perfect little arch, which is disappointing, but the difference is, I know I will be able to wear a shoe with a bit of heel if I need to without crying at how horrible it looks, nay, not being able to full stop!!! 

My ULTIMATE goal with both feet is just to be able to walk again for pleasure without extreme pain. I know realistically this means this time next year - so that is the goal - walk on the beach for pure and utter pleasure. Walk through the forest with my dogs, just for me time... not too much to ask is it?? 

I will check in again after the cast comes off. There really isnt much to say in the next 4 weeks! Its just patience, patience and more patience!!! 

SO, HOW WAS JUNE!!!

So, how was June? 

Well, recovery is moving in the right direction, albeit so very very slowly. Im fully out of the boot now for a good while. Im also only using my crutch when Im due to walk any distance, or if my feet are hurting particularly. 

I have to admit that Ive sunk into a bit of a depression in the past few weeks. While its all well and good 'knowing' that this is a long slow recovery process, the reality of it is a lot different, and quite a bit harder to deal with. 

I find it hard to be motivated to do my physio, but I do do it (not as much as I should, but Im working at it). 

One of the things that has gotten me into a bit of a spin is the invitation to a wedding in a months time. I know that my foot/feet will not cope with any sort of pressure - but I can wear trainers with a nice dress up outfit either. Im not sure what Im going to do..... Ive been contemplating wearing trousers and a top so I can get away with supportive shoes. I find this side of it all quite depressing. My wardrobe choices are based on track suit bottoms, leggings with a long top, and the odd pair of jeans. All to suit my footwear!!! 

But thats cosmetic..... Im getting there. The scars are nearly invisible. I really did look after them well, massaging them, etc. I still have to wear a soft sock at night as the top of the foot is still sensitive when it gets touched, but again, Im massaging that as often as possible. It may be lasting nerve damage, but hopefully not. I get quite a bit of pain when Im on my feet for any length of time, especially across the top of the foot (more so than the tendon area), but again, I am hoping that with time and physio this will fade away. 

I was worrying that I had damaged my tendon again... when you look at my feet, the right foot still has a "flat" look to it. But I went to see a physiotherapist recently, and she assured me that it was fine looking and that I was doing really well for the stage Im at, which was very reassuring. 

So, thats the latest on the journey of the frankenfoot! I still dont regret having had it done. I can actually feel I have an arch when I walk barefooted which is amazing, and such a treat! 

TIME MOVES SO SLOWLY

So, week 14 -
I was amazed when I went back and counted the weeks, because I felt I was much further ahead than 14 weeks!!
Where am I at. Not too far along, but Im determined to mark every little positive and note every little change even if they are small.
I feel its the only way to get through this.... believe you me, this is by far the most frustrating part of the recovery - and why? Because it requires a great deal of patience - I mean - ABSOLUTE patience.
This week, I have been a lot better at managing my pain, mostly because I heeded the physios warning - that I COULD do damage to the tendon again if I dont give it the time it requires. That scared me. I really do not want to undo all the magical work that was done during surgery - how stupid would that be?? But its so very hard. Everyone sees you are up and about, walking perhaps with one crutch - oh, she must be better - then I turn around and say, I have to rest - I have awful pain - and I know there is a look in their eye - not quite believing...

So - the positives?? Here they are -
At the 14 week mark, I notice -

• My foot is not as swollen at the end of the day
• The scars are really fading - due to me rigidly massaging all the time
• I can go longer on my feet
• I am starting to walk with less of a limp when I dont have the crutches
• I have great movement in my foot - again, due to doing my physio exercises
• I can go up and down the stairs, one foot at a time, instead of going up and down with my "good" foot leading. 
• Yesterday, I went to 2 supermarkets, and didnt end up in agony - thats my tester! 

I have been given the go ahead to start swimming again - Im going today - and I cant wait. Just to have a bit of floatation for this poor aching body. Im going to start slowly, and not have large expectations. I also have purchased a second hand exercise bike, which again, I will be building up my time on it. Keeping the joints moving. I have a lot of pain in my hips for some reason, so hoping the swimming will help with that. 

I am a very positive person - I like to focus on the positives. I cant pretend that it gets really hard sometimes, but on the whole, its getting there. 

Positives Moving Forward

In the year I was waiting for my surgery, I did a lot of research. Im one of these people that likes to learn what is going on before I have it. I discovered Healthboards, where they have a "foot and ankle problem" forum. I post from time to time, and I have posted the following today - an update of sorts!

The Positives

---

Hi. I know that there are some people reading this that havent had surgery yet. I know I read lots in the year before my op.
Im now just over 11 weeks post op. I had a real sense of realisation the past few days.
I suppose the first is, that although I KNEW, it really hit me just how long the recovery is. And I did/do know it is anything up to 8 months - with the year marker really showing that its all worth it.
Saying all that, my friend collected me the other day to go for breakfast. We went to town. I had my boot on, with crutches. Now, I had to go to a few different shops - first time in town really - and some were at one end and others were at the other end - it struck me at the last shop, when I knew I had had enough, that the last time I had been in that particular shop was about 4 weeks ago - and I had only walked about 4 mins to it, and back again, and it had really exhausted me. I stood in that shop and realised how far I have actually come in those 4 weeks. Its very hard to see that, as its so so so slow, but it was a real lightbulb moment for me, and gave me a great boost.
Next, I cooked for my folks. I LOVE cooking, and although it was great that my partner was able to take over the cooking, I had missed it. I use kitchen chairs - to kneel on, so Im not standing. It did take a lot out of me, but again, the sense of achievement helped with the psychological side.
And, finally, today I took a shower standing up for the first time. I managed it just - ten mins - and then my foot started to ache. BUT again, its a move forward.
What I am trying to say is, that its important to log all these little pluses as well as the tough times - because there are plenty of those. Due to the fact that over the past few days I had really overdone it I did suffer, so made the decision to have a full rest day yesterday - apart from going down to get coffee and food!
Im now able to hobble to the bathroom barefoot on one crutch in the night. Im doing my physio, giving my foot a really good massage morning and night, and resting as well.
Oh, and one other thing, Im driving very short distances. Im finding that absolutely fine. My foot has enough good movement in it that its able. Oh the freedom.

So, again, I say, I do not regret having the surgery one little bit - Im 100% happy I had it done, and cannot wait to have the other one done now.

Week 10

So, week ten, moving into week 11.
Physically I'm doing as well as expected. Moving forward. I saw my surgeon last Monday, and he is happy with progression. I now have to start the next phase - learning how to walk again. This involves a very long slow process.
Let me explain - because the operation involves not only bones, but tendons, there is a very lengthy recovery. I was at physiotherapy on Thursday and she explained it to me quite well - tendons need to be tricked into change. They don't like change - they fight against it - with high pain. When you have had surgery to correct tendon damage, firstly, tendons have limited blood supply - which means they take a lot longer to heal. Secondly, when the foot has been altered - as in reconstructive surgery, all the muscles and tendons will have been changed into different positions. All this culminates into the fact that after surgery for PTTD, it takes anywhere up to a year before the foot is comfortable with what has gone on.
Thankfully, I knew all this, BUT, saying that, knowing is very different to living it. It is extremely frustrating.... I still cannot drive. I get pain after just 10/15 mins walking around the house in "normal" footwear. The rest of my body suffers - back ache, hips, muscles spasming in my legs, and general exhaustion after doing anything that consists of normal day to day living. Even going out to do the weekly supermarket shop with help has me huffing and puffing with tiredness.
It cannot be easy on those around me. Of course, most peoples experience of surgeries/broken bones, etc are that the person is generally up and about after 6-8 weeks. The fact that this surgery is so major, does escape most peoples knowledge of recovery... it is definitely not a surgery that is undertaken easily. Its funny, but all the post op stuff was so much easier to handle than this stage. I want to be driving again, I want to be able to do things that don't end up in me having to take near bed rest for the following few days - an example of this was last Thursday. I had bought a replacement bedside locker - my old one was falling apart. I decided that this was something I could do sitting on the side of the bed - so I set about swapping over drawer contents. This led to me tidying up around that locker, and then, I decided that my chest of drawers needed sorting. I cannot describe to you how good this felt for me to be able to do - mentally - physically, my foot/feet were screaming by the time I went and got into the shower. That was the afternoon I went for my first physio, and she couldn't actually do much with me as I was in so much pain. Yes, I had overdone it. Just that hour or so of decluttering and tidying left me in a lot of pain for the next few days.
The swelling is also frustrating. It might not look like my foot is swollen, but when I go to put it into a shoe - ouchy. And as the top of my foot is quite nervy and sensitive, it is unpleasant. That is the only other thing - I have to wear a sock at all times as the nerves are not a nice sensation. Its not sore - by any means - its just, not nice.

BUT, saying all that, I am definitely noticing small improvements each and every day. I can now get around with one crutch if I really need to - and if I am in my boot, I can go crutch free to a certain extent. My range of movement (ROM) has vastly improved, and I'm doing my exercises diligently... with lots of massage with Skin Therapy Oil (I love the Palmers Cocoa Butter Formula one - don't like Bio-oil). I can take Brufen again (Its a no no for a lot of orthopedic surgeons post surgery) and it does help with my other foot. I have started an online course, to keep me occupied.
So, my goal for the next fortnight is to get driving again. My surgeon told me that I can drive when I feel confident that I can put my foot down hard. As I drive an automatic this should be soon enough. Maybe a small drive to a shop will be my first test.

So, there you go. Nearly week 11 already. I have to say, this time has absolutely flown by even though it drags. Nearly 3 months.... Wow.

And here it is..... 10 weeks post op... my lovely new foot!!!!