FRUSTRATION

Just a quick check in. 
So, its a week since I got my Aircast boot. How has that been? Well, after the first day, it has become easier to get around - to a certain extent. It is easier to get around, but on the back of that, I have started to really suffer with bad hip pain. I feel the strain on my hips and lower back a bit hellish. I get up in the morning, and feel okish. I go downstairs and start pottering on my knee scooter, but within an hour, my hips are killing me. I suppose that is the time to STOP, and rest. Unfortunately with my partner in work and my daughter in school, a lot of the time I cant stop. 
I feel so very frustrated. Frustrated about what I cannot do, and what the other members of the household are not doing that I "expect" them to do. The trouble is, at this stage, if I ask for things to be done, they are being done with an element of resentment. I notice the little things, but either they dont or they choose not to. Go figure. Then, if I ask or point something out, Im "nagging"... it breaks my heart, both that Im accused of this horrible word, and that I have to. 
So, frustration plays a big part in the healing process. Frustration at myself for what I cannot do, frustration at what isnt being done which is fairly obvious to me but not to others in the household - (example - a vase of dead flowers on the table), and then the frustration at the pain. 

The thing is, I know that all this will pass. I know that in another 6ish weeks Im going to be able to get around a bit easier, so Ive just got to have patience. I mean deep breaths patience. But how do I encourage patience in those around me?? 

Ok, so Im going to write this now while Im "in the moment".... 

I am just back from having my cast removed. Taking into account it is a 2 hour drive there and back to the hospital, I have to say I am utterly exhausted. And in pain, and, well, yes, both of those things. 

On the upside, the surgeon (or should I say one of his surgical team, as he wasnt in today) said the xray looked great, and the wounds are healing brilliantly. I was really happy to hear this, as I kept having this sensation around the tibial tendon area that the wound was being rubbed - it wasnt. 

If you are waiting on this surgery, be prepared for when the cast comes off - its not a pretty sight!!! Hairy legs, dry skin, red tinges all over the foot... yes, I wont be entering a foot modelling competition any time soon. Also another good tip is to bring a long knee high sock with you to put on before you put the boot on. I am very proud of myself that I remembered!!! 

So, the boot. It does put your foot into a very different position, and this causes weird pains that you didnt or havent had for the past 6 weeks. I remember now that the foot DOES NOT LIKE CHANGE!!! It will fight, and the fight is vocalised with pain, so be prepared. 

Im home now, with the boot off, and the foot just lying there in its long sock. Im very nervous about moving it, and it is very sensitive. The doc said I can sleep without the boot, but funnily enough, Im quite nervous about the prospect tonight, so I will see later. 

Ive taken brufen and paracetamol. I was tempted to take a codipar earlier, but Im going to try and hold off. I really havent the energy to fight even a slight codeine withdrawal. 

So, going forward, I am back to outpatients in 6 weeks. I am PWB (partial weight bearing) until then - and have to go by pain levels as to how much to do. I do remember that part, and its all about not pushing past a certain pain level. I know from reading back from last surgery that it will probably take a few days for the foot to get used to having the boot on. So its a bit of patience from now. 

As you can see, the foot looks really good, and healing so well. Im delighted. It will take some soaking and exfoliating to get the dry skin off, but it will be nice in the process!!! 

I'll be back in a few days to report on how Im doing. 

Take care any fellow PTTD'ers!!! 

Week 5.1!!! 

Five weeks and one day! Wow. Since my last post, I struggled. Sleep was not had, mood dipped very low, felt very agitated. Now, I felt lucky because knowledge is power. I knew that this was all part of the process - of withdrawal from the codeine, four weeks on from recovery, feelings of "stuckness", but even knowing that, its still not been easy. I was terrified that I was going to slip back into depression and anxiety, but I also worked at staying in the moment, and remembering that there were a lot of elements to how I was feeling. I made a pact with myself that if the low mood continued for more than 2 weeks I would go to see my GP. 

But the past few days have been so much better. I have spoken to friends and family and Ive been out for coffee, and been to a supermarket - that was great!! 

Pain wise I'm absolutely fine. The odd twinges around the site of the tendon transfer, so Im hoping that there aren't any problems, but I'm sure its fine. 

So, not much else to talk about. Still I would say, I have no regrets having had this done. Its a long old haul, a lot of patience needed, ups and downs, but being prepared and having the knowledge of what you are going into is key. You will never be 100% ready even knowing all this, and to be honest, I thought this time would be so much easier because Ive done it before, but no, I actually think Ive found it harder. 

Only 6 days left of the cast...... thank goodness!!!!