TIME MOVES SO SLOWLY

So, week 14 -
I was amazed when I went back and counted the weeks, because I felt I was much further ahead than 14 weeks!!
Where am I at. Not too far along, but Im determined to mark every little positive and note every little change even if they are small.
I feel its the only way to get through this.... believe you me, this is by far the most frustrating part of the recovery - and why? Because it requires a great deal of patience - I mean - ABSOLUTE patience.
This week, I have been a lot better at managing my pain, mostly because I heeded the physios warning - that I COULD do damage to the tendon again if I dont give it the time it requires. That scared me. I really do not want to undo all the magical work that was done during surgery - how stupid would that be?? But its so very hard. Everyone sees you are up and about, walking perhaps with one crutch - oh, she must be better - then I turn around and say, I have to rest - I have awful pain - and I know there is a look in their eye - not quite believing...

So - the positives?? Here they are -
At the 14 week mark, I notice -

• My foot is not as swollen at the end of the day
• The scars are really fading - due to me rigidly massaging all the time
• I can go longer on my feet
• I am starting to walk with less of a limp when I dont have the crutches
• I have great movement in my foot - again, due to doing my physio exercises
• I can go up and down the stairs, one foot at a time, instead of going up and down with my "good" foot leading. 
• Yesterday, I went to 2 supermarkets, and didnt end up in agony - thats my tester! 

I have been given the go ahead to start swimming again - Im going today - and I cant wait. Just to have a bit of floatation for this poor aching body. Im going to start slowly, and not have large expectations. I also have purchased a second hand exercise bike, which again, I will be building up my time on it. Keeping the joints moving. I have a lot of pain in my hips for some reason, so hoping the swimming will help with that. 

I am a very positive person - I like to focus on the positives. I cant pretend that it gets really hard sometimes, but on the whole, its getting there. 

Positives Moving Forward

In the year I was waiting for my surgery, I did a lot of research. Im one of these people that likes to learn what is going on before I have it. I discovered Healthboards, where they have a "foot and ankle problem" forum. I post from time to time, and I have posted the following today - an update of sorts!

The Positives

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Hi. I know that there are some people reading this that havent had surgery yet. I know I read lots in the year before my op.
Im now just over 11 weeks post op. I had a real sense of realisation the past few days.
I suppose the first is, that although I KNEW, it really hit me just how long the recovery is. And I did/do know it is anything up to 8 months - with the year marker really showing that its all worth it.
Saying all that, my friend collected me the other day to go for breakfast. We went to town. I had my boot on, with crutches. Now, I had to go to a few different shops - first time in town really - and some were at one end and others were at the other end - it struck me at the last shop, when I knew I had had enough, that the last time I had been in that particular shop was about 4 weeks ago - and I had only walked about 4 mins to it, and back again, and it had really exhausted me. I stood in that shop and realised how far I have actually come in those 4 weeks. Its very hard to see that, as its so so so slow, but it was a real lightbulb moment for me, and gave me a great boost.
Next, I cooked for my folks. I LOVE cooking, and although it was great that my partner was able to take over the cooking, I had missed it. I use kitchen chairs - to kneel on, so Im not standing. It did take a lot out of me, but again, the sense of achievement helped with the psychological side.
And, finally, today I took a shower standing up for the first time. I managed it just - ten mins - and then my foot started to ache. BUT again, its a move forward.
What I am trying to say is, that its important to log all these little pluses as well as the tough times - because there are plenty of those. Due to the fact that over the past few days I had really overdone it I did suffer, so made the decision to have a full rest day yesterday - apart from going down to get coffee and food!
Im now able to hobble to the bathroom barefoot on one crutch in the night. Im doing my physio, giving my foot a really good massage morning and night, and resting as well.
Oh, and one other thing, Im driving very short distances. Im finding that absolutely fine. My foot has enough good movement in it that its able. Oh the freedom.

So, again, I say, I do not regret having the surgery one little bit - Im 100% happy I had it done, and cannot wait to have the other one done now.

Week 10

So, week ten, moving into week 11.
Physically I'm doing as well as expected. Moving forward. I saw my surgeon last Monday, and he is happy with progression. I now have to start the next phase - learning how to walk again. This involves a very long slow process.
Let me explain - because the operation involves not only bones, but tendons, there is a very lengthy recovery. I was at physiotherapy on Thursday and she explained it to me quite well - tendons need to be tricked into change. They don't like change - they fight against it - with high pain. When you have had surgery to correct tendon damage, firstly, tendons have limited blood supply - which means they take a lot longer to heal. Secondly, when the foot has been altered - as in reconstructive surgery, all the muscles and tendons will have been changed into different positions. All this culminates into the fact that after surgery for PTTD, it takes anywhere up to a year before the foot is comfortable with what has gone on.
Thankfully, I knew all this, BUT, saying that, knowing is very different to living it. It is extremely frustrating.... I still cannot drive. I get pain after just 10/15 mins walking around the house in "normal" footwear. The rest of my body suffers - back ache, hips, muscles spasming in my legs, and general exhaustion after doing anything that consists of normal day to day living. Even going out to do the weekly supermarket shop with help has me huffing and puffing with tiredness.
It cannot be easy on those around me. Of course, most peoples experience of surgeries/broken bones, etc are that the person is generally up and about after 6-8 weeks. The fact that this surgery is so major, does escape most peoples knowledge of recovery... it is definitely not a surgery that is undertaken easily. Its funny, but all the post op stuff was so much easier to handle than this stage. I want to be driving again, I want to be able to do things that don't end up in me having to take near bed rest for the following few days - an example of this was last Thursday. I had bought a replacement bedside locker - my old one was falling apart. I decided that this was something I could do sitting on the side of the bed - so I set about swapping over drawer contents. This led to me tidying up around that locker, and then, I decided that my chest of drawers needed sorting. I cannot describe to you how good this felt for me to be able to do - mentally - physically, my foot/feet were screaming by the time I went and got into the shower. That was the afternoon I went for my first physio, and she couldn't actually do much with me as I was in so much pain. Yes, I had overdone it. Just that hour or so of decluttering and tidying left me in a lot of pain for the next few days.
The swelling is also frustrating. It might not look like my foot is swollen, but when I go to put it into a shoe - ouchy. And as the top of my foot is quite nervy and sensitive, it is unpleasant. That is the only other thing - I have to wear a sock at all times as the nerves are not a nice sensation. Its not sore - by any means - its just, not nice.

BUT, saying all that, I am definitely noticing small improvements each and every day. I can now get around with one crutch if I really need to - and if I am in my boot, I can go crutch free to a certain extent. My range of movement (ROM) has vastly improved, and I'm doing my exercises diligently... with lots of massage with Skin Therapy Oil (I love the Palmers Cocoa Butter Formula one - don't like Bio-oil). I can take Brufen again (Its a no no for a lot of orthopedic surgeons post surgery) and it does help with my other foot. I have started an online course, to keep me occupied.
So, my goal for the next fortnight is to get driving again. My surgeon told me that I can drive when I feel confident that I can put my foot down hard. As I drive an automatic this should be soon enough. Maybe a small drive to a shop will be my first test.

So, there you go. Nearly week 11 already. I have to say, this time has absolutely flown by even though it drags. Nearly 3 months.... Wow.

And here it is..... 10 weeks post op... my lovely new foot!!!!