Im at the stage now that I think Im going to have to use crutches all the time. I was using one crutch if I was out and about, but that was to take the pressure off the right foot. Now, the left foot has gotten so bad, that the pressure is more so on that.
I struggle so much with the depression side of it all. Living with chronic pain is something that goes on and on and on and on.... there is just no end to it. It can only be marginally relieved by taking more painkillers - of which Ive spoken about previously - and how they affect me. Tramadol is an amazingly good painkiller - but has its side effects - headaches - like a hangover - restless leg and sleeplessness. Then there is the ibruprofen - I take 600mg twice a day - I could take more, but dont seem to get the timing right - and dont like what I read about effects on my stomach and liver.... paracetamol - regularly - again, the worry about my liver - and finally, a stomach protector to try and make sure I dont wear away the lining of my stomach with all the above..... I also take some sort of sleep aid - because the pains in my feet and legs tends to be so bad at night. I rotate - 2.5mg of valium or a paracetamol night tablet - I dont want to become the lady with her happy pills..... :-(
I am amazed at how my relationships are coping. I think its a true marker of how my partner really does love me with the care he is giving me. My daughter is a teenager, so has her own issues to deal with. I have to be very clear and precise as to what I need from her. If I catch her on a good day, she will do as I request, but not so good at doing things "because". My poor Mother is worried sick about me, but she is struggling with pain issues as well. Friends wise, well, I dont really have any. I depend on cyber friends more than anything but physical friends have drifted. I wonder does this happen? I think it does. I think some are lucky to keep and maintain long friendships.
The latest from the hospital is that it could be anytime between now and the summer - but I am not holding out any hopes.
BUT, the optimist in me keeps saying from day to day - "Its not life threatening, and Im still on my feet" - in fact, its my mantra.
