Over the past couple of years, I have been dealing with pain which is long term, not short term as in a headache, or cramps, etc. This is ongoing pain. Last year, I was prescribed Tramadol, a pain med in the family of opiods.
I have always been nervous of taking "strong" pain killers. Some that I have taken previously have given me a "buzzy" sensation which I really didnt like. But I was desperate. Tramadol helped. It definitely helped. I was taking the maximum dose, but after a few months, I started waking each morning feeling like I had the hangover from hell. I now call it an opiod hangover. Headache, nausea, etc.
It got to the stage where I just couldnt stand it anymore, and decided the pain relief was not worth the sickness. So, I researched, and discovered that the withdrawal has to be done slowly. The main side effect from the withdrawals that I had was AWFUL restless legs. To the point where I continued taking 1 tramadol every night just to get some sleep. Thankfully after speaking to some people, it was suggested to me to take a magnesium supplement, which I did, and had relief within two weeks. Goodbye Tramadol.
BUT, now, what to do about managing the pain? Again, spoke to the doc, and she prescribed slow release Difene - Diclac. One in the morning and one in the evening. I suppose they took the edge off, but always I had to take paracetamol at some stage in the day. Eventually I had cortisone injections into the foot (the right foot which is the "bad" one, except at the moment its the left one which is worse!!), and that gave me great relief. I did have to continue taking the Difene, and paracetamol, but not needing stronger opiod based painkillers made all the difference.
So, ticking along nicely until two months ago when the left foot started to fail. I have to admit, at times I did want to resort back to the Tramadol, but the memories of the "hangover" were enough to deter me. I started to leave out taking the Difene, and take Nurofen Plus, once a day, but lashing the Paracetamol into me every day as well. I suppose, really and truly they just tip the pain.
Is it placebo?? I dont know..... I am never pain free... even sitting, or lying down, my feet are throbbing. But at this stage in the so called journey, I have a mantra, something I heard a while ago, and its a Buddhist thought - if you have pain, accept it is there, become friends with it!!! I really do try and remember this on a daily basis..... allow it to be - have loving kindness.....
If you are interested in the recording here is a link.... its a lovely way to spend an hour.....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As9jmZBCUWU
I had the acupuncture, which did help after the first session, but the next two really did nothing.
So now, its brufen, paracetamol, and rest. Im going to give my pain some kindness and stop fighting it. I know it has to be worked at, but its important to accept it.
Tomorrow I start back to work. As much as Im looking forward to it, I am apprehensive as to how the pain will be.
And I shall remember this..... Im going to make peace with it all!!!
Last week my Mum rang me up. "I want to put something to you", she said. A friend of hers had seen a few of my Facebook posts re the pain I was in. This friend rang Mum, and relayed to her how acupuncture had really helped her with her back pain problem, and she wanted me to give it a try.
I have had acupuncture before. Im one of the weird ones who quite enjoys the sensation of needling, so I had no hesitation in saying "I will try anything!!!!".
So, we rang, made an appointment, and off we went two days later (Wed).
Now I want to make something clear. I am someone who believes in holistic healing - that is, healing the body as a whole, and not "just" the medical nor the alternative, but to be able to use both when and where needed.
I immediately liked Mairead. She had/has a lovely aura about her. She talked to me for a while, then brought me in to start. I want to point out that I was on a crutch and barely able to put my left foot to the floor. Any walking was agony, both on my feet and my back and hips.
So, she started "puncturing" me - my feet and my stomach. All over my stomach. Some I felt going in, some I didnt, and some hit something which made me yelp - but all fine!!!
She then left me looking out of the skylight, watching the clouds go by and listening to soothing music. No pain at all, but cant jump up and move around either!
I just want to say this though. I didnt go to her expecting her to cure me - I went for pain relief. I know that the damage is done and that the surgery will be the only answer in the long run, but I need pain relief that only opiods can give me otherwise, but which I will take only as a last resort because they make me feel so ill.
Anyway, she came back in after about 25 minutes, removed the needles and that was that. I have to say I was very sore - again, not from the needles, but from, well, pain.
She did say expect this to happen, for the pain to heighten before settling, and heighten it did as the day went on.
I had an awful nights sleep. Waking very regularly with my feet aching.
I took it easy the next day, really rested up - staying in bed.
Then - Friday came - and I got up to go to the toilet, and found I was able to walk without my foot on one side.... NOT pain free, but - well, easier.
This continued through the day. I got up and got dressed and did a few chores. Still not too bad, and not needing the crutch. I did get tired very quickly, and the pain did start after 15 minutes or so.
Saturday came and I was still off the crutch and tentatively moving around. I took it a bit easier as I didnt want to push it, especially with my "minders" giving out to me!!!
Yesterday was Monday. I was back to see the lovely Mairead for a second session. She had said in our consultation that we would try 3 initially to see how we got on. I appreciated that as it was good to put a time limit on how much we would keep trying. Been there before where I was going and going and paying big money to different therapists and not getting anywhere.
So, she brought me into the room again, delighted to see me off crutch, and this time needled my feet and hands. The hands hurt. They really did. Especially my right one which corresponded with the left foot. Makes sense. She also did some sort of heat work at the end with Chinese Mugwort - which had a very "interesting" herbal smell!!!!!
Today Im very very sore. I had extreme pain in the night and had to take Nurofen Plus and half a valium. Today Im not much better. Walking on the side of the foot again, but heres hoping its just the day after settling period. I promise faithfully to take it very easy today.
Im a firm believer that we need to learn that we have to live with things as they happen. I take it one day at a time at this stage. Its all I can do. Yesterday I had little inklings of thoughts that I might get back to work in a few weeks, but after being on my feet for about half an hour yesterday, I know now that that is quite unlikely to happen. Until I have either the cortisone or the operation.
It is now coming up to two weeks since my left foot started to cause real trouble. In that time it has gotten steadily worse and worse to the extent that Ive been bed bound mostly - just to stop me from getting up and doing housework to be honest!
I am now on 2 crutches - I find they help more, although this means I have no hands free to carry something if needed. On those occasions I manage with one crutch.
Ive had somewhat of a dilemma. I find it much easier to wear Croc clogs at the moment, as the only relief I get if standing is if I put my foot on the side, or should I say, feet....
I cant do this if I'm wearing my runners (sneakers/trainers) with my orthotics, and the pain is so much worse when I cant. I wonder at this stage if my feet are just so far gone that no amount of ankle braces or orthotics are going to do any good. The damage is done, as the MRI's have testified.
So, do I stick with the comfort and least painful footwear or do I brace, orthotic and bind my foot and deal with extra pain?
For now, I know which, in all reality Im going to choose - no brainer really - at least until I have had the cortisone injections and am back on my feet.
So, Ive been talking about my feet, so here is a picture of the actual poor little blighters - I do give them love and compassion as there is no point abusing them for letting me down. I know they do their utmost best for me, and Im sorry for the abuse they are getting now.
The right foot is the worst, as you can see, and that is the one which is waiting on surgery, but the left one isnt so far behind at this stage.
Ive been very frustrated trying to let go of control. I really enjoy cooking and the other day I decided I was going to cook dinner. This was not easy, and I was struggling. I then hit on an idea, which did help -
Kneeling on a chair!!! It did help but not sure its a solution!! lol.
My friend collected me to take me down town for a coffee yesterday. I was so excited, and needed to go to a few shops, but they were in a nice small route. Health food shop for some magnesium - to help with the muscles and the restless legs (caused by the strong meds), then Boots for earplugs and hairdye - a girls got to keep up some sort of standards, and finally back to the car. If you knew the town I lived in you would know that this was a very small route. But I took a wrong step and slammed my bad foot down.... oh the pain, it shot up my leg, and then throbbed. By yesterday evening I was in tears. I even lost my appetite, and if you knew me, you would know that thats not me!!! So I took some Nurofen Plus, a valium, and 2 paracetamol and got back into bed.
Thankfully I slept well, and today, Im going to take it very easy....
